i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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