Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
