I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
FUCK WHALES
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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