Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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