My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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