I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
