Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
