I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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