He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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