I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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