Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
