I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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