girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
