I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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