He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She's like a pop up book from hell.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
