just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
