i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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