I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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