I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
