it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
