I skipped work to stalk him.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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