your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
