just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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