So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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