Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
