So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You ruined the universe
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
