am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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