If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
