so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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