i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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