I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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