So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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