The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
