can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
