You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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