Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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