it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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