belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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