I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
