i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
