saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
