My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
