I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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