Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize