Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize