Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
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You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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