You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
