Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
