thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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