when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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