last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I die, sorry about rent.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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