literally had 100 drinks last night.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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