By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
