I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
