Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
