Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
