Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
