where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
