i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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