hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
