I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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